If you were to examine your life, your choices, what has influenced you, what your genes and environment has been, what would you change? What if you could make it all different? What if you could change the people of the community or city or country? Would you focus on a few basic premises or a total revolution?
If you were to focus on yourself, what could have been different? P.G. Wodehouse wrote:
"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been."
I find myself dwelling on such things. Maybe if I had worked harder at one thing or another or not failed at a critical moment. So many times in our lives we get chances to have made a difference but instead we pass them by. I have passed up innumerable chances and people give tired cliches of; you cant learn it all at once or mistakes are the portals of discovery. How tired that is. I tried to walk through life being ok with mistake but how many should one make before a price should be paid?
One once told me that I seem to have excellent coping skills. I hid my contempt for such a statement for the truth is not so excellent. People deal with life in all sorts of ways. Drink, drugs, shopping, eating, cutting are all ways a psychologist would say are not the most healthy. But isn't this what our culture says to do? Isn't this the manly thing, the American thing? Your keeping the economy going with your increased caloric intake. Your helping 3rd world farmers with their poppy exports. I find cutting to be quite the coping skill. When life is out of control that is one of the few things you can do right? I mean when your a poor sap. Most of us are deep in debt, have big responsibilities, children, mortgage, what to wear, how to do our hair, will I look good for the prom?
What are we to do with a society that doesn't actually care? Find a way to abuse the abusers? Maybe its easier to just abuse the stupid. Find myself a good person to work to death...then find another. Maybe punch a hole in the drywall and chew into the electrical work. Some have said we get the government we deserve. Probably so. We get the society that is surely in our hearts and currently its a predator. We have become so twisted we think our demons are our friends. Talking heads on the television have convinced us of our righteousness and we suck it up as we turn into most detestable creatures. I'm sure it is somehow a Darwinism drawback.
In my current employment I'm in a position where "The stupid people love it, the smart ones hate it." I don't really see my self as very smart at all since I have given all the best parts of me to a place where it doesn't count for anything. My body is broken and I'm sure my mind is not too far behind. I have squandered my chances to do something worthwhile. I don't know by what measure success is but I'm certain that I could have tasted it before I was gone. Now its a distant voice that's unrecognizable.
I'm in dangerous territory of rambling incoherently and not making my point stick but here it goes.
So what are we supposed to do about our mistakes? Stop making them is a logical answer, right? Fairly hard I suppose since hindsight is 20/20. Looking for help in all the wrong places seems futile. Maybe if we just go back to the start we can......oh wait my time machine isn't here yet. Maybe if we take a mindful approach and then make changes now we can make it better for future generations. Individuals and society are fairly entwined in their clicks which happen to hate each other we can't have a consensus on anything. Maybe if a dedicated few can make it start the masses will pick up the rest. Or not.
I guess we're just burning time and youth anyhow.
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